Four Steps to Confronting and Overcoming Fear
Fear and anxiety have become an epidemic. Everyone is anxious and worried all the time. But has worry or anxiety ever gotten you anywhere? For me, it’s only kept me stuck, frozen in fear, and unable to move forward (because you sure can’t go back!).
Fear is the strongest human emotion that can both keep us safe and keep us from experiencing peace, love, and success. It keeps us from being able to enjoy the present moment. Fear can hold us back and keep us from making progress and reaching our full potential.
Me vs. My Fears
There have been countless times in my life that I’ve let fear hold me back, keeping me stuck in a place I knew was unhealthy for me. One of the biggest fears of my life was deciding to file for divorce.
For years, I feared what would happen if I left my husband. I was afraid of what it would do to him and our children. I feared letting people down and its financial implications on us all. I agonized over the decision to leave for years, so I stayed paralyzed in fear.
My husband at the time struggled with addiction that landed him in jail, on the front page of the newspaper and on the 5 o’clock news for all to see. The humiliation and betrayal were something I never really got over.
I stayed for the kids because I thought that was the right thing to do. I had no family near me and two kids in school. I had no emotional support and no financial means. I had every excuse not to leave. But most of all, I had fear, worry, and anxiety about making the decision.
Five years later, the addiction was still present and the mental, emotional, and at times physical abuse was more than I could bear. I had no choice but to face the fear and leave. It was no longer a healthy environment for me or my kids, nor was it healthy for my husband.
I am hard-pressed to find a divorce that isn’t messy, so trust me when I say it was about as messy as it could get. I can’t sit here and tell you that immediately after mustering up the courage to face my fear and file for divorce, everything was better because it wasn’t.
It has taken years of therapy, building myself back up emotionally and financially, and a family tragedy to bring us to a place of understanding. Only now are we able to co-parent our now young adult children and work together as a team.
Over the last seven years, I’ve learned so much about myself and what I’m capable of. I’ve learned that no matter what, those years of living in the paralysis of fear were far worse than the hardship that followed.
As humans, we are masters at painting a picture of dread to fear that 99% of the time never even happens! I was one hundred percent guilty of that habit and did it every day of my life for years! The payoff when I finally let go of this - Babe! It’s hard, but a conscious decision and determination to live in peace, joy, and love pays off tenfold!
The point is, we don’t have to let fear control us. From my experience (did I mention all the therapy?), there are steps we can take to overcome our fears. Let’s practice them together!
Steps to Confronting Fear with Courage
Step One: Understand what’s true and what’s imagined
We have to accept and understand that fear is a part of the human experience. We must learn how to manage it.
I mentioned earlier that fears based on facts are those that keep us safe. A fear of jumping out of a plane without a parachute for example, or playing with fire, or jumping out of a moving vehicle. We know that if we do those things, it’s a fact that we will be harmed physically, if not killed.
Fear that is based on falsehood, we create these in our mind without a shred of evidence that they are true. These are the fears that keep us paralyzed and unable to move forward with purpose. Unwarranted fears like the fear of failure, rejection, being alone, hypochondria, and so many more.
Taking a moment to recognize your fear and determine if it’s based on truth or if it’s simply imagined is the first step to moving forward in courage.
Take a minute to think about what fears you have right now. What is fear keeping you from doing? Is it real or imagined? What do you have to gain by moving forward with courage? (Pro Tip: This is an excellent journaling exercise!)
Step Two: Tune In to Your Self
Dale Carnegie said ”Fear doesn't exist anywhere, except in the mind.”
What we think, we are. If we think we will fail, we won’t even start, therefore, we fail. If we think we will succeed, we will do whatever it takes to try our best to get there. Our mind is a powerful tool, and we are so busy we often don’t stop long enough to tune in to ourselves and sort things out.
It’s important to recognize what happens inside you when you feel fear. Do you run or freeze? Do you shut down or make rash decisions that you later regret? Recognize them and then pause and sit with yourself for a moment. Then, refer to step one and think about whether or not the fear is based on fact or something imagined.
When I feel overwhelmed by fear, worry, or anxiety, (you know how it makes you feel), I get myself to a place where I can be alone in silence and focus on my breathing. It centers me. It calms my mind and my fears so I can see them more clearly and sort them out.
There are so many free apps that have meditations in them that can be at your disposal at any time. I have a FitBit and I use the meditations often.
I also find that moving my body is helpful and works out some of the stress. I take my dog for a walk, do some restorative yoga, or a HIIT workout. Then come back center and sort it out.
Remind yourself what you can and cannot control. This also helps make sense of what is rational and irrational so you can begin to move forward.
This takes a bit of exercise and like physical exercise, you’ll grow stronger over time and it will become easier. But like physical exercise, consistency over time can help you feel like you’re strong enough to conquer these obstacles. You can do it!
Step Three: Have Courage and Make a Choice!
Trust Yourself! If nothing else, you learn something!
Have you ever been so fearful of making a wrong decision that you ask five people for their advice, then they all give you different answers and you’re more confused than when you started? Yep! Been there, Babe!
There’s nothing wrong with getting feedback from others, just know that at the end of the day, you have to make your own choice. The longer you avoid making a choice, the larger your fears grow and the more paralyzed you become.
Trust that whatever you decide is better than sitting in indecision. Courage is not making a choice and moving forward in the absence of fear, it’s moving forward in the presence of fear.
Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking, said “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all”
You risk everything if you don’t make a choice. By making a choice, you’re choosing to learn something. If you succeed, you learn what works. If you fail, you learn what doesn’t work and make adjustments. The only wrong answer is NOT making a choice and moving forward.
I once heard that you cannot have faith and fear at the same time. It’s not possible, and it’s true! With faith, all things are possible. With fear, all things are impossible. Fear makes you stand still while faith allows you to move forward. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
Step Four: ACTION! Face the Fear!
Now that we’ve sorted out what type of fear we are facing, we know how our bodies and minds respond to the fear, and we’ve decided to move forward with courage, it’s time to take ACTION!
The absolute best way to overcome your fear is to face it. Whatever it is you’re fearful of, do it! The more you do it, the less fearful you’ll be.
When I was in college, I was so afraid of public speaking that I put off every class that required it until I couldn’t put it off any longer. After a few times of giving presentations, I was no longer fearful of it. The more we face our fears, the less scary they actually are.
It helps me to know that in all things, God has gone before me and smoothed out the path ahead. As long as He is with you, no man can be against you. (Romans 8:31) Take one small step at a time if you have to! It’s okay! But take the first step and start building your confidence. If you have to go through this entire process each step of the way, then YOU DO IT!
Think of all the things we can accomplish if we just decide fear is no longer going to stand in our way! We’ll be unstoppable, Babe!
Faith Over Fear
Life is always going to throw hard things at us. Let’s face it. Fear is part of the human experience and we need to accept it. But for me, I know that I can handle whatever comes my way because I have faith that God has my back and will show me the way forward.
No matter what I face, He is working all things for my good. Because of my faith (and only because of my faith), I now live in peace. I know who I am and am beginning to understand what life can be for me.
Do I still have fears? Heck yeah, I do! Every day! I just know how to handle them better and don’t let them control me or cause me to make irrational decisions. I no longer live in indecision, paralyzed in fear. I accept that I will make mistakes, but they are opportunities to learn and grow.
My faith has allowed me to move forward with confidence and a conviction that nothing is impossible as long as I keep my fear in check.
Is there something in your life right now that is keeping you from moving toward your truth and your purpose in life? What is fear keeping you from achieving? What’s the worst thing that can happen if you do it afraid? I believe in you, Babe!
